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Our Los Angeles divorce attorneys at the Land Legal Group know the holidays bring exceptional stress to parents sharing custody of their children. Whether this is your first year alternating holidays with your ex-spouse or if your children are used to spending time with both sides of the family, navigating holidays after a divorce requires thoughtful consideration.
Our California family law attorneys know keeping holidays focused on the kids can benefit everyone involved.
Here are some reasons why divorced parents should prioritize their children during holidays.
The Emotional Well-Being of the Children
Children may already be dealing with the emotional impact of the divorce. During holidays, they may experience heightened emotions or a sense of loss. Focusing on the kids helps create positive and stable experiences, providing emotional support during potentially challenging times.
Promoting Stability and Routine
Holidays often change routines, and children may find comfort in stability. By focusing on them, parents can maintain some consistency and help their children feel more secure during a time of upheaval.
Reducing Conflict and Tension
Divorced parents may have lingering conflicts or tensions between them. By prioritizing the children during holidays, parents can set aside their differences to create a positive and enjoyable environment. This can help minimize stress for the children and create lasting memories.
Encouraging Positive Co-Parenting
Holidays provide an opportunity for divorced parents to model effective co-parenting. Collaborating on holiday plans, sharing responsibilities, and fostering open communication can show children that their parents can work together for their well-being, even if they are no longer together.
Creating Lasting Memories
Children often remember holiday experiences and traditions. By keeping the focus on them and creating positive memories, parents can contribute to a sense of belonging and provide their children with happy moments to cherish.
Allowing Flexibility and Adaptability
Divorce can change family traditions, but it also offers an opportunity to establish new ones. By keeping the focus on the kids, parents can be flexible and adapt holiday celebrations to the changing family dynamics, ensuring that children continue to enjoy meaningful traditions.
Respecting Children’s Wishes
Older children may have preferences or desires about how they want to spend the holidays. Focusing on the kids involves listening to their input and considering their feelings, helping to create a holiday experience that aligns with their needs and wishes.
Avoiding Guilt and Loyalty Conflicts
Children may feel torn between their parents during holidays. Parents can minimize guilt or loyalty conflicts children may experience by focusing on the kids. This can contribute to a healthier emotional environment for the children.
Ultimately, prioritizing the well-being and happiness of the children during holidays after a divorce can contribute to a positive co-parenting relationship and help children navigate the challenges of this transition more smoothly. Open communication, flexibility, and a shared commitment to the children’s happiness are vital in making holidays a positive experience for everyone involved.
If you, like most California residents who are co-parenting in an already difficult time, are trying to juggle schedules and transfer kids between separate households for the holidays — all while keeping stress levels down in an attempt to finish out the year with confidence — we have a few practical tips that may help.
Tip One: Ease Your Expectations.
Whether you are charged with hosting the kids for the holidays or are the one shuttling them to the other parent’s home this year, one tip to help get through the last six weeks of 2020 is to ease your expectations.
With a public health crisis controlling gathering limits, and the fear of interacting with someone who may have been exposed to COVID-19 at the forefront of most conversations, this holiday season is a good time to understand that you cannot control everything.
Shopping, cooking, and gathering are going to be difficult, so plan something small and ease up on the idea that everyone should be there. If it is just you and the kids, take the time to make it special for your immediate family, and do not allow the fact that others who are not traveling this year for good reason to personally affect how you celebrate with those who are present.
Easing your overall expectations will help alleviate the stress of doing it all and may allow you to really enjoy the small things that are within your control.
Tip Two: Be Flexible.
Holidays for families of divorce are often guided by strict schedules, so everyone can get the time they deserve with their children.
For some, that means splitting days down the middle, which can become quite stressful when going from one relative’s home to another’s.
Since the Coronavirus may cut those visits in half — or cancel your usual holiday obligations altogether — this year may be a good time to be flexible about transferring the kids and stretching how much time they spend between both family homes.
Now may be a good time to say, “Sure, just make sure they’re home by…” instead of insisting on the usual drop off deadline. If you do not have anywhere to be, there is no harm in extending a little latitude or taking a little to extend your plans, when everyone agrees on the requests.
Tip Three: Ask For Help.
This is a tough one, as we all want to be the person, parent, or host who can do it all — no help necessary.
However, if you need help especially with your kids ask. That could mean asking the other parent to pick up or drop off, should your plans require you to be present for hosting or if your plans take you out of town on your own.
Conversely, if you are alone this holiday season, and the kids are with their other parent, do not be afraid to ask for emotional help to get your through. While you may not be able to physically visit with friends or family, based on your personal safety needs, you can stay connected by phone, text, or video chat.
Keep in mind, you may know someone who needs the support, too, so reach out to a newly divorced parent to see if you can provide a loving word during their first holiday alone without the kids.
Contact Our Skilled Family Law Attorneys at Land Legal Group Today
If you have questions about your California divorce and child custody agreements and how they might be impacted by the holidays, contact our team of skilled family law attorneys in Los Angeles at the Land Legal Group by calling (310) 552-3500 today.
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- The Top Five Myths About Divorce in California
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